I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
