Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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