I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
