Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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