my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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