i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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