How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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