had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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