i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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