Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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