i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
