Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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