Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
