dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize