I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
