didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
