And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
