sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
