Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
