come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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