I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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