why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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