she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You can't motorboat a personality
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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