dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I party with great urgency now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
