If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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