Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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