im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
soo... how was my night?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
