did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
