I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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