he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
