There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I need moral support for this bender
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize