My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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