My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
