May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
