Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
