I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
