they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
