Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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