Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
