I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
