Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
