its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
