My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
