You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
