Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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