We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
