nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
