hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
