i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
