she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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