btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i wish my penis had a tongue
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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