You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize