Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
