I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
