i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
