He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize