Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
