she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize