i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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