I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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