im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
