He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
