Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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