i think my mom watched the whole time
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
