hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How's work?
Spinning.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
