Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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