I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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