just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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