there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
