My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
