Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
