You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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