just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Randomize
