grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
