dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
