normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
