I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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