why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
