I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize