Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
