she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
