My Higher Power is John Stamos
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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