last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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