and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
