I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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