Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
