She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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