How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
